WHAT. DID. YOU. DO?!
This guy wears cowboy boots! And the abs. THE ABS! He can ride a horse and shoot a gun and he’s from Texas and I just can’t even. I JUST CAN’T EVEN. I mean, I get that he is obviously working on a music career and that his Instagram is full of modeling shots and that his face shows nary a trace of emotion ever. And I get that every time he talked to Jo Jo he was clearly delivering a perfectly scripted speech while he looked just over her shoulder shooting his pro smolder at the camera. But LOOK AT HIM Jo Jo. LOOK AT HIM. And then look at Jordan and Robbie and yeah just no.
After Jo Jo says goodbye to Luke she has a mega meltdown in her mermaid gown. And for good reason. She’s worried she may have made a mistake (she did).
The only silver lining here is that long after Jo Jo and Jordan have called it quits we will HOPEFULLY (please ABC please) be watching Luke as next seasons bachelor.
And was that not the worst goodbye ever when Luke left? He was so shocked. Ugh. She must be freaking crazy if she thinks Jordan has even one iota of sincerity. UGH. UGH. UGH.
Ok. I’m moving on.
So I haven’t recapped for awhile. There is always a lull in the middle of these shows for me and I decided I’d just skip it all and pop back in at the end. :) So here I am.
Sadly Luke is gone and so is my desire to watch because LUKE. IS. GONE. But I will persevere until the end. And pray that Luke is the next Bachelor so I can watch him do his Luke-thing every Monday night.
After we leave the airport hanger we cut to Thailand where Jo Jo seems to have made a full recovery from sending Luke home. She has brought her three remaining Bachelors here for fantasy suite dates.
First up we have Robbie who rolls up on a rickshaw pulled by a small Taiwanese man. Robbie is gelled and bronzed and ready for love (i.e. sex because over night dates are going down!).
Joj and Robbie shop and eat and get Thai massages while it rains…basically a perfect date. Later that night, Robbie dons his tightest white jeans and slides his sock-less feet into his loafers as he prepares for the over night portion of this date. Robbie has been declaring his love for Jo Jo since week 2 and he continues to do so every 4.5 seconds. Simmer down Robbie.
Jordan is up next. Jo Jo takes him on a hike to a cave with a temple where there is no kissing allowed. This means they have to awkwardly converse with one another. It’s fun to watch Jordan act like he wants to get married. I can’t wait to see how much Jo Jo’s brothers hate him.
Over fake dinner Jo Jo asks Jordan what he sees the next year looking like. He says he has no idea. Jo Jo doesn’t like that answer. So Jordan rephrases and says he wants to spend the rest of his life with Jo Jo. She shoots back that that is exactly what bachelor Ben told her right before he broke her heart. Jordan rephrases again, oozing ambiguity. Blaaaah. These two are just too much. I can’t even put my finger on what exactly it is about Jordan that makes everything he says seem so fake. I think it might be his face. And the way he moves his mouth when he talks. It’s a little mind boggling that she doesn’t see through him. Or maybe she doesn’t actually want to get married and in that case Jordan is the perfect choice.
Chase has the final fantasy suite date. For their date Jo Jo makes Chase kiss a dead fish. Then they take a boat to an island and Chase is loving every minute. “We’re in this magical place with monkeys and fisherman and saltwater and fish. It’s just, today’s amazing!” My husband thinks Chase is hilarious. I think he’s maybe just easy to please. Now that Luke is gone he’s clearly the most solid choice.
After the day portion of Chase and Jo Jo’s date, Joj heads home to change. Robbie shows up to pee all over her living space so no other dogs will come sniffing around his property.
Later that night Chase is super sincere in telling Jo Jo how he feels about her. He’s just so nice. Also, he’s still very hot. She seems less enthused than with the other two guys. The writing is on the wall for Chase. In the fantasy suite he tells her he is in love with her and you can almost see her face fall. She tells the camera that she’s not feeling it. She excuses her self for a bit so she can go freak out outside. I have to respect that she decides to send him home before sleeping with him or taking it any further.
Chase doesn’t take it well. The conversation they have is the most awkward and sad ever. I could hardly watch it. Poor Chase. Poor Jo Jo. Ugh.
So now Jo Jo is left with two poof-haired, jegging-wearing, tanned, former athletes. Okee doke Joj. As they enter the rose ceremony you can literally not tell them apart. They look EXACTLY the same and are wearing the same outfit too. Same jeggings, same ombre button up, same watch on the same wrist, same hair poof, same tan. I’M ALL SET™ WITH THESE TWO (™ by Kelsey). Somewhere in Texas Luke is hot as hell riding a horse in his cowboy boots like a MAN.
Jo Jo walks in and starts telling the two remaining guys that she sent Chase home at the exact second that Chase walks in looking super hot and wearing normal fitting pants. He delivers the classiest speech of all time on this show. It was a smart move that may land him the bachelor gig or at the very least a spot on Bachelor in Paradise. I hope Jo Jo is starting to regret her poor choices as she looks at the two goobers that she has left.
At this point it has to be Jordan right? Between the two she should definitely go with Robbie. I’m kind of hard on Robbie. Because yeesh. But he’s the far better option between the two. He’s obviously obsessed with her. PICK ROBBIE JO JO. Obviously she’s picking Jordan. Idiot.
You could have had this Jo Jo:
But have fun with these two:
At least we have Jo Jo’s crazy mom and brothers to look forward to next week.
What are your thoughts? Does anyone actually think Jordan is sincere? Have you ever seen a grown man wear white jeggings? Who do want the next Bachelor to be? Let’s discuss.
P.S. If you like these recaps please share with your friends :) xo.