Jo Jo you idiot!!!! – The Bachelorette Season 12 Week 9 Recap


This guy wears cowboy boots! And the abs. THE ABS! He can ride a horse and shoot a gun and he’s from Texas and I just can’t even. I JUST CAN’T EVEN. I mean, I get that he is obviously working on a music career and that his Instagram is full of modeling shots and that his face shows nary a trace of emotion ever. And I get that every time he talked to Jo Jo he was clearly delivering a perfectly scripted speech while he looked just over her shoulder shooting his pro smolder at the camera. But LOOK AT HIM Jo Jo. LOOK AT HIM. And then look at Jordan and Robbie and yeah just no.

After Jo Jo says goodbye to Luke she has a mega meltdown in her mermaid gown. And for good reason. She’s worried she may have made a mistake (she did).


The only silver lining here is that long after Jo Jo and Jordan have called it quits we will HOPEFULLY (please ABC please) be watching Luke as next seasons bachelor.

And was that not the worst goodbye ever when Luke left? He was so shocked. Ugh. She must be freaking crazy if she thinks Jordan has even one iota of sincerity. UGH. UGH. UGH.

Ok. I’m moving on.

So I haven’t recapped for awhile. There is always a lull in the middle of these shows for me and I decided I’d just skip it all and pop back in at the end. :) So here I am.

Sadly Luke is gone and so is my desire to watch because LUKE. IS. GONE. But I will persevere until the end. And pray that Luke is the next Bachelor so I can watch him do his Luke-thing every Monday night.

After we leave the airport hanger we cut to Thailand where Jo Jo seems to have made a full recovery from sending Luke home. She has brought her three remaining Bachelors here for fantasy suite dates.

First up we have Robbie who rolls up on a rickshaw pulled by a small Taiwanese man. Robbie is gelled and bronzed and ready for love (i.e. sex because over night dates are going down!).

Joj and Robbie shop and eat and get Thai massages while it rains…basically a perfect date. Later that night, Robbie dons his tightest white jeans and slides his sock-less feet into his loafers as he prepares for the over night portion of this date. Robbie has been declaring his love for Jo Jo since week 2 and he continues to do so every 4.5 seconds. Simmer down Robbie.

Jordan is up next. Jo Jo takes him on a hike to a cave with a temple where there is no kissing allowed. This means they have to awkwardly converse with one another. It’s fun to watch Jordan act like he wants to get married. I can’t wait to see how much Jo Jo’s brothers hate him.

Over fake dinner Jo Jo asks Jordan what he sees the next year looking like. He says he has no idea. Jo Jo doesn’t like that answer. So Jordan rephrases and says he wants to spend the rest of his life with Jo Jo. She shoots back that that is exactly what bachelor Ben told her right before he broke her heart. Jordan rephrases again, oozing ambiguity. Blaaaah. These two are just too much. I can’t even put my finger on what exactly it is about Jordan that makes everything he says seem so fake. I think it might be his face. And the way he moves his mouth when he talks. It’s a little mind boggling that she doesn’t see through him. Or maybe she doesn’t actually want to get married and in that case Jordan is the perfect choice.

Chase has the final fantasy suite date. For their date Jo Jo makes Chase kiss a dead fish. Then they take a boat to an island and Chase is loving every minute. “We’re in this magical place with monkeys and fisherman and saltwater and fish. It’s just, today’s amazing!” My husband thinks Chase is hilarious. I think he’s maybe just easy to please. Now that Luke is gone he’s clearly the most solid choice.


After the day portion of Chase and Jo Jo’s date, Joj heads home to change. Robbie shows up to pee all over her living space so no other dogs will come sniffing around his property.

Later that night Chase is super sincere in telling Jo Jo how he feels about her. He’s just so nice. Also, he’s still very hot. She seems less enthused than with the other two guys. The writing is on the wall for Chase. In the fantasy suite he tells her he is in love with her and you can almost see her face fall. She tells the camera that she’s not feeling it. She excuses her self for a bit so she can go freak out outside. I have to respect that she decides to send him home before sleeping with him or taking it any further.

Chase doesn’t take it well. The conversation they have is the most awkward and sad ever. I could hardly watch it. Poor Chase. Poor Jo Jo. Ugh.

So now Jo Jo is left with two poof-haired, jegging-wearing, tanned, former athletes. Okee doke Joj. As they enter the rose ceremony you can literally not tell them apart. They look EXACTLY the same and are wearing the same outfit too. Same jeggings, same ombre button up, same watch on the same wrist, same hair poof, same tan. I’M ALL SETβ„’ WITH THESE TWO (β„’ by Kelsey). Somewhere in Texas Luke is hot as hell riding a horse in his cowboy boots like a MAN.

Jo Jo walks in and starts telling the two remaining guys that she sent Chase home at the exact second that Chase walks in looking super hot and wearing normal fitting pants. He delivers the classiest speech of all time on this show. It was a smart move that may land him the bachelor gig or at the very least a spot on Bachelor in Paradise. I hope Jo Jo is starting to regret her poor choices as she looks at the two goobers that she has left.

At this point it has to be Jordan right? Between the two she should definitely go with Robbie. I’m kind of hard on Robbie. Because yeesh. But he’s the far better option between the two. He’s obviously obsessed with her. PICK ROBBIE JO JO. Obviously she’s picking Jordan. Idiot.

You could have had this Jo Jo:


But have fun with these two:



At least we have Jo Jo’s crazy mom and brothers to look forward to next week.

What are your thoughts? Does anyone actually think Jordan is sincere? Have you ever seen a grown man wear white jeggings? Who do want the next Bachelor to be? Let’s discuss.

P.S. If you like these recaps please share with your friends :) xo.

The episode where the guys turn mean girls – The Bachelorette Season 12 Week 4 Recap

I’m so sad you guys. Chad is gone. What’s the point in even watching anymore?

Luckily Chad is still Chadding like a boss on his Instagram account. Here is Chad hooking up with Robby’s girlfriend of 4 years that he dumped to come on the show.


Who does this?! Chad! That’s who!

And here is Chad making it rain dolla dolla billz.


I highly recommend you go follow Chad on Instagram immediately.

So this episodes kicks off with the guys celebrating the departure of Chad. Cut to Chad whistling through the woods in the dark as he makes his way to the bachelor pad. Hopefully he’s on his way to punch Evan in the throat because we are literally only 1 minute and 10 seconds into the episode and I already can’t stand him.

So Chad shows up and you can see the fear on the guys faces. You would be scared too if you saw this at your back door…

They are trying to play it cool because they have no idea why Chad is back. Evan comments that he hopes Chad isn’t here for his protein powder because they all just dumped it out on the back patio during a memorial service for Chad.

Evan asks if Chad has his wallet on him so he can pay him pack for his ripped t-shirt.

Give it a REST Evan.

And with that Chad is out.

Alex returns later that night and round 2 of the celebrations commence. Alex gets cake shoved in his face like he’s at his own wedding. I’m so confused.

Cocktail party time. Chase and Jo Jo hang out in giant hamster balls during thier one-on-one time, Robby and Jo Jo make a wish in a fountain and then make out in front of all the guys, what-his-face reads her a poem he wrote, Jordan shoves her in a corner to make out (well played).


Rose ceremony time. Luke, Jordan and Alex already have roses. The rest of the roses go to Derek Krasinski, Robby, Chase, Wells, Grant, Vinny, James Taylor, and Evan (WHAT).

Going home is James F (big mistake) and Daniel who will be so missed.

The gang is headed to Uruguay next. James Taylor thinks that might be in South America. He’s right!

First one-on-one date in Uruguay goes to Jordan. For the next 10 minutes we get to listen to the guys discuss how they suddenly all hate Jordan. While Vinny gives Alex a a haircut the guys randomly (ha) stumble upon an issue of In Touch magazine about Jo Jo and her ex boyfriend. This is curious considering magazines are BANNED from the show. True story. But now that Chad is gone, drama must be created. So an In Touch magazine is handed over to the guys to peruse. They learn all about Jo Jo’s ex. Did they have an ongoing relationship during the filming of the last Bachelor season? Is she still in love with him? Are these guys seriously reading In Touch?

Meanwhile, Jo Jo and Jordan sit down to dinner and Jo Jo has some serious business to discuss with Jordan. Apparently she met a girl that used to date Jordan? What? When? Like today in Uruguay? She hasn’t had an issue with this until now? She confronts Jordan about it. Jordan isn’t loving the confrontation. He clears his throat and takes a sip of water. Then he blames his bad relationship behavior on sports (really) and said he never cheated (he did). Jo Jo seems skeptical which is how we know she will definitely pick him in the end. Jordan smooths things over by swooshing his bangs back and Jo Jo tells the camera that this was the best date of her life.

Jordan returns to the hotel where all the guys fill him in on article-gate. According to In Touch Jo Jo is here for the wrong reasons! How they are just now discovering this is beyond me but whatever.

Jo Jo, meanwhile, is telling the camera how blissfully happy she is after her date with Jord. This is clearly the perfect time for a producer to hand her a copy of the In Touch article that all her guys read.

Jo Jo slips a robe over her dress and heads down to the guys suite where she cries a bunch of fake tears. The guys all compete against each other to see who can be the most reassuring. Jo Jo wipes away her non tears. Drama abated! Phew!

Group date time. Jo Jo, dressed like Tomb Raider, is wandering through a dusty dessert. Luke, Derek, Chase, Evan, James, Vinny, Grant, Wells, and Alex are all wearing matching khakis and are ready to sand surf. Evans floppy bangs are blowing in the wind…t-minus 5 minutes to his next bloody nose.

Later the guys hang at the hotel while waiting for precious one-on-one time with Jo Jo. Wells botches it by sitting 4 feet away from her on the couch.

Now that Chad is gone everyone has to find a new enemy. Alex doesn’t like Derek. Derek doesn’t like Jordan. Jordan loves Jordan. Things are getting intense with the guys and the competition is definitely heating up.

Time for Robby’s one-on-one date. Robby really needs to invest in a pair of pants that fit. And I know he can afford it because Instagram stalking shows me that his family is rich.

Robby and Jo Jo’s date seems to mainly consist of walking around a lot.

Back at the bachelor pad Alex is attacking Derek for getting the group date rose. They are wondering why he asked Jo Jo for reassurance. I’m wondering why they even care.

Back on the date, Jo Jo and Robby are talking over plates of untouched food. Robby drops the L bomb, on week 4, which isn’t ridiculous at all.

Time for the cocktail party. Derek pulls Robby, Alex, Chase and Jordan aside to tell them they are being mean to him. Jordan and I both laugh simultaneously.

Jo Jo sends in Harrison to cancel the cocktail party because she already knows who she is sending home. This sends a ripple of terror through the room…but mainly through Evan because he “puts himself in the bottom group” even though he wants to be “a freaking front runner.” Evan, you will never be a front runner at anything…except maybe erectile dysfunction.

Jordan, Robby and Derek already have roses. The rest go to Luke, Chase, Alex, James Taylor, and Wells. It should have been Vinny. Now who is going to cut the guys hair?

Going home is Evan (thank you), smokin hot fire fighter Grant, and Vinny.

Evan is crying so much that his nose starts to bleed. Grant is super confused because look at him. Vinny grew on me and I’m sad to see him go.

My thoughts at this point…

Derek has turned annoying and I’m so over Alex and all his drama. There is no way Jordan is here for the right reasons and Robby probably isn’t either. She has zero chemistry with Wells so I’m sure she’s keeping him around for an easy elimination. If she actually wants to get married she should pick James Taylor. I still like Chase and you all know I love Luke despite the weird vibe he gives off sometimes. So at this point my favorites are Chase and Luke and James Taylor. Out of all of her options I think she has the worst shot with Jordan. What do you guys think?

And now for the best news…

Don’t Poke the Chad Bear – The Bachelorette Season 12 Week 3 – Part 2 Recap

You can read week 3 – part 1 here.

At the end of part 1 we saw Chad coming back into the mansion after his talk with Harrison. Chad seemed pissed and was talking about ripping peoples limbs off.

However, what we saw at the beginning of this episode was Chad being cool and telling the guys to leave him alone and he would leave them alone. Boring. Evan can’t handle that Chad is trying to smooth things over so he demands that Chad give him an apology AND a fugly, new v-neck tee. Everyone wants Evan to shut up, even nice guy James Taylor, who shuts Evan down and tells Chad that everyone will mind their own business from here on out.

For our sake I truly hope that doesn’t happen.

Jo Jo shows up ready for the pool party and everything is going great. I would just like to point out that there are a lot of adorable swimming suits in the world, but Jo Jo doesn’t own any of them.

So everything is going great at the pool party until the guys do a synchronized dive into the pool and Evan gets a bloody nose. Go home Evan.

Later in the day Jo Jo is sitting with Chad. But wherever Chad is, Evan is also because Evan is OBSESSED with Chad. So of course Evan saunters over to Chad and Jo Jo to steal her away. At this point I’m not even sure who Evan wants more.

As the day goes on Chad over hears lots of guys talking about him to Jo Jo. Understandably this makes Chad mad. And I’m even starting to feel bad for him. I don’t like this feeling. I want old Chad back. Oh wait…there he is…confronting Derek in the most Chad-like way possible. “Look…whatever guy like me that stole your girlfriend or whatever, that wasn’t me. I’ve barely talked to you. And honestly you keep bringing me up.”

Derek explains that Jo Jo asked him questions about Chad and he just answered her questions. Chad responds by telling Derek that he obviously stalks Jo Jo by watching last season of The Bachelor. That’s not actually stalking, Chad, that’s just watching TV.

Rose ceremony time. Evan, Chase, and James Taylor already have roses. The rest of the roses go to…Grant (fire fighter), Derek (John Krasinski), Jordan (ex football player), Luke (cowboy), Robby (ex swimmer), Wells (radio DJ), James F (who has been shown for a total of 2 minutes so far), Vinny (that one drunk guy from the first week), Daniel (the Canadian male model), Alex (the short marine), and CHAAAAAAD.

Going home is Christian, Santa Clause, and Ali.

Jo Jo informs the guys that they are headed to an exciting and new location. And it’s a surprise! Obviously it’s Europe or the Caribbean!

Just kidding. It’s Pennsylvania.

The guys arrive at their bachelor pad in dirty Jeep Wranglers. Evan declares this place manly and rugged and he just feels really comfortable and at home here. The first two words that come to mind when thinking of Evan are definitely not manly and rugged. Maybe squirrely and snively? Puny and whiny? Greasy and juvenile?

First one on one date goes to Luke. Jo Jo and Luke get to ride around in a cart being pulled by dogs. They arrive at their outdoor wood fire tub. Before they can hop in Luke has to chop some wood to heat the tub. Luke is really good at chopping wood. I’m pretty sure I would pick him right then and there if I was Jo Jo. Just sayin.

Derek, James T, Daniel, Chase, Wells, Vinny, James F, Evan, Grant, Jordan, and Robby are on the group date card. This means that Chad and Alex are going on a two on one date. I didn’t see that one coming!…said no one ever.

Jo Jo and Luke are chatting over fake dinner because no dinner has ever been eaten on this show. Luke tells Jo Jo about his past…that he was recruited to play football at West Point, joined the military and fought in Afghanistan, and knows how to ride horses because he’s a COWBOY FROM TEXAS. And we already know what the guy looks like when chopping wood. Alright guys. Pack it up. I’m done.

Luke gets the date rose because LUKE.

Jo Jo has one more surprise for Luke. I think surprise maybe isn’t the best word to describe what’s next. More like nightmare. Jo Jo and Luke enter a packed theater full of screaming women who film them with their camera phones while they make out and dance on stage with the band Dan + Shay. Why the audience full of people? WHY?! I mean, look at these women!


But seriously you guys, I just can’t.


O.M. G. I literally can’t even.


Luke for the FREAKING WIN.

Time for the group date. The guys head to Heinz Field where they find Ben Roethlisberger waiting for them. Husband tells me this guy is a pro quarterback with a few sexual assault charges under his belt so he’s a perfect fit for the show. Ben, along with Brett Keisel and Hines Ward (also football players) are here to do some sportsing with the guys. Evan immediately gets a bloody nose. Because Evan.


James Taylor cuts his head open and opts for a ridiculously over the top bloody bandage wrapped around his head and over his eyes as opposed to leaving to go get stitches. Being unable to see may complicate his sportsing abilities but anything for Jo Jo. #manly

The guys break into two teams. Winning team gets more time with Jo Jo later that night. Evan catches a few balls and that makes me mad. Blue team wins, which is Evan, Jordan, Derek, James Taylor, Robby and Vinny.


Everyone else goes back to the bachelor pad to pout and spend some quality time with Chad.

At the after party Robby pulls Jo Jo aside first. I notice that he’s wearing loafers with no socks. Is that even acceptable? Jo Jo seemed to enjoy when he hoisted her on the pool table to make out.

Group date rose goes to Jordan because he opens up after Jo Jo forces him too.

You guys aren’t going to believe this but back at the bachelor pad all the guys are fighting with Chad. These guys loves pushing Chads buttons. And Chads roid rage loves rearing it’s ugly head every few minutes. Plan on seeing Chad on every future season of Bachelor in Paradise.

Time for the two-on-one date with Alex and Chad. But not before Chad tells Jordan that when the show is over he is going to find him, show up at his house, and beat him up.

Then we get to watch a solid two minutes of all 13 guys sitting on the leather couch in absolute silence.

Chad and Alex take off in a helicopter into the woods. Jo Jo is there waiting for them with large packs. How far exactly are these three going to be hiking? Honestly this date is my worst nightmare…not the three-on-one part, but the hiking with packs part. They seem to be wandering aimlessly. I keep envisioning the Blair Witch Project. That would be an unfortunate way to end this date.

Eventually they find a flat rock where they spread out a blanket and sit awkwardly all together for a few minutes before Jo Jo asks Alex to come have a chat with her deeper into the woods. Alex plays it right by telling Jo Jo that he doesn’t want to spend his time with her talking about another guy. Except now that he’s said that he just has a few things to tell her about Chad. Like for instance how he threatened to find Jordan after the show and beat him up.

Jo Jo is confused but finally starts realizing that Chad has two sides to him. She asks him point blank about some of the threats that he’s been accused of and he tells her that obviously he has threatened the guys because how else are you supposed to communicate with people?!

Jo Jo says she needs to think.

Chad chucks his tin cup into the river.

Jo Jo is feeling bad because Chad’s mom died 6 months ago and she knows that he may be struggling a lot. Jo Jo is a nice person to consider this.

Chad walks out of the woods whistling like a serial killer and tells Alex that it’s unfortunate that he can’t hurt him right now. This guy literally can’t stop talking about beating people up. Alex tells Chad to quit with the violence. Chad tells Alex to chill out and have a glass of milk. Alex doesn’t like milk. “Why not? Milk’s delicious,” Chad says while smirking. That was a real exchange between two grown men. Really. Im now fully convinced that Chad is punking everyone 100% of the time.

Jo Jo comes back and has made a decision. Chad, Jo Jo and Alex sit awkwardly together on the blanket while Jo Jo asks Chad point blank if he threatened anyone in the house.

Chad responds, “I mean, it’s not 100% false.”

Jo Jo tells Chad that she’s not cool with him resorting to violence and she doesn’t want to be with someone who can’t get along with other people. And with that, she gives Alex the rose and they skip off into the trees together holding hands. They leave Chad standing alone on the rock in the middle of nowhere.

Back at the bachelor pad the guys are celebrating Chad’s departure with alcohol and confetti poppers. My question is, where did they get the confetti poppers?

Alex and Jo Jo are now hanging out in a cabin full of candles and Chad is whistling through the woods in the dark while swinging a machete. He emerges from the woods at the bachelor pad and runs his fingers down the glass while all the guys run to their bedrooms screaming. Did The Bachelorette just turn into a horror movie? Is Chad here for blood? Quick! Someone shove Evan out the front door!

To Be Continued!

Guys, I’m going to miss Chad so much. Yes, Chad might of had a teensy, tinsy, little roid rage issue. But Chad was here to entertain us and oh was I ever entertained. Luckily he is alive and well on Instagram and his posts are comic gold:


He actually posted this on Instagram. And he tagged the Care Bears. #teamchad FOREVER and EVER and EVERRRRRR

At this point my top two favorites are Luke and Chase.

Just look at him:


And obviously James Taylor is a sure bet if Jo Jo actually wants to get married. In fact, I think there are a lot of nice guys left.

But, I think Jo Jo is into Jordan the most. And I’m starting to think he might just be in it to win it if you know what I mean.

Thoughts? Who is your favorite at this point?